Why We React to Stress Differently Than Others

We are taught early on how to respond to a crisis. Our stress response system develops gradually, beginning in the womb and continuing through infancy and adolescence. The amygdala and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, which links the brain and the adrenal glands, play an important role in how we manage our responses to stress.

What we learn before birth

We learn from our mothers. While a baby is still in the womb, maternal stress hormones help calibrate how sensitive that child will later be to challenging situations. A mother who experiences chronic stress and trauma during pregnancy has heightened hormone levels that can alter the baby’s brain development.

This affects the amygdala, the “fight or flight” part of the brain that detects perceived threats and fears, and the HPA axis, which controls the body’s response through the release of cortisol (often called the stress hormone). Heightened cortisol levels have physical effects, such as an increased heart rate and sharpened focus. A mother’s response to stressors is critical and can reshape her child’s own physical response and ability to regulate emotions.

Why comfort matters in infancy and childhood

Infants rely on their caregivers to soothe them when they are in distress. Babies who cry for long periods without comfort or support have higher cortisol levels than infants whose caregivers respond quickly. When the distressing event is soothed, cortisol levels drop almost immediately.

Infants who are comforted when frightened, and children whose feelings are explained to them by a caregiver, gradually learn to manage their own stress. When an infant or child is exposed to repeated, ongoing stress without comfort or support, the brain adapts and shifts into survival mode. These children learn to be hypervigilant and to react quickly in a crisis, but they may overreact to small, uncertain situations or social interactions, which can lead to anxiety and rumination.

How this shows up in adulthood

As adults, they may gravitate toward careers where these responses are crucial. Emergency medicine, firefighting and military roles match their learned crisis responses, while small, everyday problems can feel more difficult.

Chaos is not required to prepare someone for critical situations. Being raised in a supportive household can also prepare adults to handle pressure. Supportive parenting builds the ability to regulate emotions and think clearly under pressure, along with greater self-confidence. Training, repeated exposure and learned coping strategies can also build the ability to respond well under pressure.